Wowser. I haven't posted since the beginning of the year. I guess you can tell that my other two photography blogs are taking up my blog time. (Since I'm a photographer I'll call that a good thing.)
I have like 10 minutes before I am suppose to leave for a yoga lesson. There is like a hundred things I could probably do with my ten minutes, but today I decided to write down a bunch of random things that have crossed my brain in the last few weeks. There is no rhyme or rhythm to this post... so I'm assuming I'll have a hard time titling it. Here we go.
1. Have you seen Tiger Seals? I mean seriously... these animals are sublime, awesome, superb, ridiculous all came to my mind right then. I'm not sure if any of those adjectives really describe these sea creatures- but I bet if you haven't seen one yet you're going to google it right now.
2. People need to roll their car windows down more. Fresh air is good plus it just makes you feel more alive. Roll your windows down and stop spoiling yourself with AC. (You must also listen to your music loud if your windows are rolled down... unless you are playing like Rap or R&B then you have my permission to roll the windows back up and stay away from my truck.)
3. I heard something the other day- in the first five minutes of talking to a new person you can determine their values. They will more than likely discuss or somehow pop-into the conversation what is important to them. For instance if they talk about their kids, obviously the value family. If they talk about their career then they really value their job. Interesting, I thought. What would your top three things be in a five minute conversation? These are mine:
1. God (I'll be the first to admit that one is not easy to throw in when talking to a new person.)
2. My husband/dog/family
3. Photography Career
4. Crap my 10 minutes is already up and I'm not done unleashing. ...How was googling the seals?
5. Orbitz Strawberry Remix gum is better than Extra Dessert Delights Strawberry Shortcake.
6. I can drive for five hours straight (well, with a pee break) simply by listening to music. I love making new "mixes" for road trips. I went to La Grande this weekend and made a pretty hefty one called "Country Car Ride." I won't list all the songs on the mix because I believe it's like 3+ hours worth of songs (and no that's not even close to all my country songs.) I will rattle off a few new favorites I downloaded.... 1. "Over When It's Over" by Eric Church. 2. "Nashville With Out You" by Tim McGraw. 3. "Chillin' It" by Cole Swindell. 4. "I Wanna Be That Feeling" by Bucky Covington (his name is cool too.) 5. "Runnin' Out of Moonlight" by Randy Houser. 6. "Tip it Back" by Florida Georgia Line. 7. "Backwoods" by Justin Moore. 8. "Drivin' Around Song" by Colt Ford.
7. I'm pretty sure I was born in the wrong era (I probably should've been in my 20's-30's in the 60s-70s) and in the wrong part of the country (I should've been born in like Tennessee, Georgia or Texas.)
8. I love the outdoors. I love it when I'm hiking. I need to spend more time outdoors. I really need to go on one of those crazy outdoor photography workshops.
9. I wonder how Veterans and military people feel about how we celebrate Memorial Day and Veterans Day. I actually went camping with two Marines over Memorial Day and we discussed it a little bit. I know we don't celebrate it the proper way- but I also think it makes them proud that we have our freedom to celebrate however we want, even if it is just grilling hot dogs.
10. It's crazy to think about one decision or choice in your life would've put you on an entire different path. That if you would have made one decision differently you might not be sitting where your sitting, living in the state your living in or married to the guy your married to. For the record I'm perfectly fine with all three- but it's crazy to think about "If I would've done this... where would I be?" I often wonder what I'd be doing or where I'd be living if I would've become a white-water-rafting guide.
My time is REALLY up now. Until next time, keep skipping.
Aubrie
6.12.2013
1.13.2013
2013 GOALS
Readjust in a resolute manner.
Resolutions are tricky mainly because we RARELY complete a resolution. I do not do resolutions anymore. Instead I look at my life and I see what I can adjust to make my life a little happier, healthier with more wisdom and spiritual growth. I create goals and try to accomplish them. January is a time to readjust what you've been doing (if you need to) and to pick out goals for the next year to accomplish in a resolute manner. (Definition of resolute is simply "marked by firm determination.")
What I did last year is I posted twelve goals for myself to accomplish in 2012. I ventured back to that blog post to see how I did. I didn't do half bad, of course some of the "goals" were not to hard to accomplish. For instance number one on my list last year was to turn thirty. Good job, Aubrie! I turned thirty with out even breaking a sweat. Number two on my list definitely made me sweat, even if it was in water. (You still sweat when you are in water by the way.) I joined a masters swim team and I have been swimming for almost a year now.
I failed at a couple of goals as well. I did not finish another triathlon or aqua bike. I'm not really sure If I drove better this year either. I am STILL reading "Crazy Love," it's been on my night stand for a year. (It's heart wrenching and hard to read.) Number nine's "Rafting" could have been better, I only took the blow-up kayak out once. And I still need to venture down a few highways to check off number ten.
I am fairly happy with how the last two goals turned out. I have been published in 1859 every issue this year (and they moved to six issues a year.) Plus I was published in Portland Monthly and I had an image featured on the front cover of The Gorge Magazine. All in all I'll copy a famous saying in that "you win some and you loose some."
Sooo... for 2013 I thought I would keep my goal list, of course bumping it up to thirteen goals this year. However, instead of thinking of thirteen brand new goals I am going to move the "failed" goals from 2012 over to the new list and I want to still accomplish them. It's good to set goals, it's even better to accomplish what I've set out before me.
Here we go- 2013 BABY! (The first four are from 2012 and the last nine are my new goals.)
1. Aqua Bike (from 2012): Triathlons might be a thing of the past. I hate running. I do enjoy swimming and biking, hence an aqua bike. Yes, they do exist.
2. Rafting (from 2012): I feel like taking my blow-up kayak out one time did not really count. Let's up the ante and go for three times this summer!!
3. Roads (from 2012): I did not drive across the two highways I wanted to mark off on my map, so they are back. Highway 228-20 from Sweet Home to Black Butte Ranch and highway 126 from Springfield to Belknap Springs area.
4. Drive Better (from 2012): Driving better really has a root problem. The root of the problem is I am a procrastinator and I am always running late. When I am running late I think that driving like a bat out of hell will some how magically give me back those precious minutes I lost doing whatever it was that made me late. So really, I need to work on being on time and then I will be the worlds best driver... okay and I probably shouldn't follow to close, pause at stop signs or put my make-up on while driving.
5. Editorial/Magazines: The prime goal for 2013 is to get into as many magazines as possible and really work hard on my editorial portfolio. I still want to be in every issue of 1859 and I now want to be in every issue of The Gorge Magazine plus have at least two or three assignments in Portland Monthly. I am really trying to get into Touring and Tasting, Mix and Sip NW!
6. Food Photography: Food photography falls on the heels of the previous goal. I think food/drink photography is huge for editorial and I really want to improve on my food photography skills. I am currently reading Plate to Pixel (mini goal- finish the book) and I might look into taking a class as well.
7. Read: I want to read at least five "classic" novels. Right now I am reading Jack Kuraoc's "On the Road." Once I am finished with that book I want to read Catch 22, Pride and Prejudice, one of Hemingway's books and the fifth book I am not sure yet... I'm thinking about Huck Finn or rereading The Great Gatsby. Along with the classic list I want to finish reading books I have started and not finished; including "Crazy Love" (from 2012's list) plus "Storytellers" and "Hot Shoe Diaries."
8. Geo Cache: Dave and I like to drive, we like to hike and we have a GPS dealy-thing. (It's Dave's, I clearly don't know what it is called.) So I figured we should try geo caching.
9. Country Line Dance & Two Step: I'm a country girl- I should know how to line dance. David even said he would take the classes with me. Hopefully next time we venture out to Dukes we'll be able to hit up the dance floor.
10. Nationals: US Master Swimming Nationals is this May and it just happens to be at my old stomping ground, eh, pool. IUPUI was where all my big swim meets were held and I would love to go back and swim in the pool as an out-of-shape adult swimmer. A lot of things have to happen to accomplish this goal. First I need to make the cut times, second I need to train for the meet (or vise-versa train for the cut times), third I need to be able to afford to fly into Indy. We shall see. (An additional swimming goal is to go to practice at least four times a week, every week.)
11. Yoga: I like yoga. I have a yoga instructor and I get private lessons from her. She has me working on what we call my "magic three" poses that I need to do pretty much every day. So... I want to do yoga every day, even if it's just for ten minutes.
12. Writing: I like writing. I'm not good at it. I need to practice, so I probably should write more. I want to be able to write better blog posts for my photography blog and I want to be able to write up little "love stories" for my couples and intertwine that with their wedding albums. I randomly started writing an awful novel for like, I don't know, teenagers or something. Still- it's fun and and its good practice so I need to continue writing it. I also would like to take some writing classes to polish up the old writing skills.
13. Spiritual Life: As a Christian I am always trying to deepen my walk with God. I have a few simple things I want to work on this year to keep my faith growing. First- I am reading through "My Utmost for His Highest." It's a daily devotional read, every day it just has a verse and a couple of paragraphs to read and think/pray about. Speaking of prayer- I always need to up my prayer time. The last thing will be difficult with David's schedule but I would like to join a small group within our church at Branches. (And of course I am continuing another year, my fourth year, volunteering at Pregnancy Resource Center.)
Resolutions are tricky mainly because we RARELY complete a resolution. I do not do resolutions anymore. Instead I look at my life and I see what I can adjust to make my life a little happier, healthier with more wisdom and spiritual growth. I create goals and try to accomplish them. January is a time to readjust what you've been doing (if you need to) and to pick out goals for the next year to accomplish in a resolute manner. (Definition of resolute is simply "marked by firm determination.")
What I did last year is I posted twelve goals for myself to accomplish in 2012. I ventured back to that blog post to see how I did. I didn't do half bad, of course some of the "goals" were not to hard to accomplish. For instance number one on my list last year was to turn thirty. Good job, Aubrie! I turned thirty with out even breaking a sweat. Number two on my list definitely made me sweat, even if it was in water. (You still sweat when you are in water by the way.) I joined a masters swim team and I have been swimming for almost a year now.
I failed at a couple of goals as well. I did not finish another triathlon or aqua bike. I'm not really sure If I drove better this year either. I am STILL reading "Crazy Love," it's been on my night stand for a year. (It's heart wrenching and hard to read.) Number nine's "Rafting" could have been better, I only took the blow-up kayak out once. And I still need to venture down a few highways to check off number ten.
I am fairly happy with how the last two goals turned out. I have been published in 1859 every issue this year (and they moved to six issues a year.) Plus I was published in Portland Monthly and I had an image featured on the front cover of The Gorge Magazine. All in all I'll copy a famous saying in that "you win some and you loose some."
Sooo... for 2013 I thought I would keep my goal list, of course bumping it up to thirteen goals this year. However, instead of thinking of thirteen brand new goals I am going to move the "failed" goals from 2012 over to the new list and I want to still accomplish them. It's good to set goals, it's even better to accomplish what I've set out before me.
Here we go- 2013 BABY! (The first four are from 2012 and the last nine are my new goals.)
1. Aqua Bike (from 2012): Triathlons might be a thing of the past. I hate running. I do enjoy swimming and biking, hence an aqua bike. Yes, they do exist.
2. Rafting (from 2012): I feel like taking my blow-up kayak out one time did not really count. Let's up the ante and go for three times this summer!!
3. Roads (from 2012): I did not drive across the two highways I wanted to mark off on my map, so they are back. Highway 228-20 from Sweet Home to Black Butte Ranch and highway 126 from Springfield to Belknap Springs area.
4. Drive Better (from 2012): Driving better really has a root problem. The root of the problem is I am a procrastinator and I am always running late. When I am running late I think that driving like a bat out of hell will some how magically give me back those precious minutes I lost doing whatever it was that made me late. So really, I need to work on being on time and then I will be the worlds best driver... okay and I probably shouldn't follow to close, pause at stop signs or put my make-up on while driving.
5. Editorial/Magazines: The prime goal for 2013 is to get into as many magazines as possible and really work hard on my editorial portfolio. I still want to be in every issue of 1859 and I now want to be in every issue of The Gorge Magazine plus have at least two or three assignments in Portland Monthly. I am really trying to get into Touring and Tasting, Mix and Sip NW!
6. Food Photography: Food photography falls on the heels of the previous goal. I think food/drink photography is huge for editorial and I really want to improve on my food photography skills. I am currently reading Plate to Pixel (mini goal- finish the book) and I might look into taking a class as well.
7. Read: I want to read at least five "classic" novels. Right now I am reading Jack Kuraoc's "On the Road." Once I am finished with that book I want to read Catch 22, Pride and Prejudice, one of Hemingway's books and the fifth book I am not sure yet... I'm thinking about Huck Finn or rereading The Great Gatsby. Along with the classic list I want to finish reading books I have started and not finished; including "Crazy Love" (from 2012's list) plus "Storytellers" and "Hot Shoe Diaries."
8. Geo Cache: Dave and I like to drive, we like to hike and we have a GPS dealy-thing. (It's Dave's, I clearly don't know what it is called.) So I figured we should try geo caching.
9. Country Line Dance & Two Step: I'm a country girl- I should know how to line dance. David even said he would take the classes with me. Hopefully next time we venture out to Dukes we'll be able to hit up the dance floor.
10. Nationals: US Master Swimming Nationals is this May and it just happens to be at my old stomping ground, eh, pool. IUPUI was where all my big swim meets were held and I would love to go back and swim in the pool as an out-of-shape adult swimmer. A lot of things have to happen to accomplish this goal. First I need to make the cut times, second I need to train for the meet (or vise-versa train for the cut times), third I need to be able to afford to fly into Indy. We shall see. (An additional swimming goal is to go to practice at least four times a week, every week.)
11. Yoga: I like yoga. I have a yoga instructor and I get private lessons from her. She has me working on what we call my "magic three" poses that I need to do pretty much every day. So... I want to do yoga every day, even if it's just for ten minutes.
12. Writing: I like writing. I'm not good at it. I need to practice, so I probably should write more. I want to be able to write better blog posts for my photography blog and I want to be able to write up little "love stories" for my couples and intertwine that with their wedding albums. I randomly started writing an awful novel for like, I don't know, teenagers or something. Still- it's fun and and its good practice so I need to continue writing it. I also would like to take some writing classes to polish up the old writing skills.
13. Spiritual Life: As a Christian I am always trying to deepen my walk with God. I have a few simple things I want to work on this year to keep my faith growing. First- I am reading through "My Utmost for His Highest." It's a daily devotional read, every day it just has a verse and a couple of paragraphs to read and think/pray about. Speaking of prayer- I always need to up my prayer time. The last thing will be difficult with David's schedule but I would like to join a small group within our church at Branches. (And of course I am continuing another year, my fourth year, volunteering at Pregnancy Resource Center.)
10.29.2012
Classics.
I love bookstores. There is something so simple and quaint and peaceful about them- even the enormous Powells' bookstore in down town Portland. If you slip away into a small corner of the massive store it can feel like a seaside bookshop. (If you are not familiar with Powells it is the largest independent bookstore in the world and takes up an entire city block.)
Honestly, I probably like bookstores more than reading. I find that walking through a bookstore and picking out the best front covers can be very inspiring. There is a famous saying, everyone knows it, "don't judge a book by it's cover." Unfortunately I do not adhere to this guideline. In fact I have been known to not purchase books that were recommended to me because I thought the cover was ugly. I HATE when I want to buy a book that has been made into a movie and the actors' faces have replaced the original art work. I love covers and it's one of my random photography-bucket-list items, to have one of my photos as a book cover.
These are all just random side notes by the way. Let me back up.
David was out of town so I decided to watch a matinee, "Perks of Being a Wallflower." I won't give away the movie, I will recommend it- I thought it was good. The movie sparked an interest to visit a bookstore and I just happened to be in walking distance of a mini Powells bookstore- the Cedar Hills Powells. I walked to the store with the idea of buying Jack Kerouac's "On the Road." During the previews I learned that this classic book was about to hit the big screen. I really like reading books that will eventually be movies. I enjoy not only comparing the two side by side (which is better the book or the movie? ...it's always the book...) but I also get a kick out of seeing how one type of artist visually communicates words that were written by a completely different kind of artist. I think we should make all books into movies... of course I think you have to read the book first.
As I typed in Jack's name I realized I didn't know how to correctly spell it. He's a famous, classic author with well-known books, I should know how to spell his name. Thankfully I have a little thing called Google on my iPhone. (What did we do before technology?) I walked down the literature isle slowly, gazing over the book covers and mentally noting which ones would be readable and which ones will never enter my bookshelf. I came to K and found the book I was looking for. It reminded me of a New Years Eve resolution I "mentioned" a year or two ago. I can't actually remember if it was last year or the year before. I put "mentioned" in quotes because it literally was one of those resolutions I just threw out there and never actually put it down as "this is my resolution for 2012." The goal was to read five classic novels. The novels that everyone else seems to have read, or at least the pretend to have read it. On my list I definitely wanted to read Catch-22 and then anything written by Jane Austen, Ernest Hemingway and Jack Kerouac. My fifth read was still up in the air- I thought about rereading The Great Gatsby or something by Mark Twain. Obviously I didn't give it a lot of thought because this resolution never stuck.
I had "On the Road" in my hands when a craving to read other classics came over me. I thought about how much TV I watched and that it would be a smart switch to replace the tube with a book. I also thought about how nice it would be to actually know what people are talking about when they mention a Catch-22 (ya, ya, I get the idea) or to agree or disagree when someone says Hemingway was the greatest author. Pride and Prejudice is one of my all time favorite movies and I can't believe I've never read the true version from Jane Austen's hand. So I went around the bookstore and I started to pick up all of these classic novels.
I decided on three to start; "On the Road" by Kerouac, "Pride and Prejudice" by Austen and "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller. I did look at Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea" but I didn't buy it. It's a short book, that surprised me. (PS. If you look up photos of Hemingway when he was younger I think you'll find the author to be very handsome.)
The cashier asked why I purchased the special edition of Pride and Prejudice (a Norton Critical Edition). He asked if it was for school. I told him I knew there were cheaper versions (like really cheap for three bucks) but I wanted this version because it had footnotes explaining words I did not know. For instance on the very first page the word Michaelmas is used, I thought it was a person's name but the footnotes explained to me that it generally means "autumn." I paid the extra five dollars for knowledge... plus it will save me time, I won't have to bust out google on my phone. ;) The cashier explained that this edition puts the book in three volumes as opposed to one long novel. According to the lovely cashier the three volume version is how Jane Austen wrote the book.
When the cashier asked if it was for school an unexpected excitement entered my mind. School? It sounds exciting? It only took 7 years for the thought of taking classes to excite me again. I have been thinking about taking a class here and there- like a writing class or a food photography class. Don't worry my bachelors degree is more than enough for my occupation and I am completely happy with my career choice, so I will not be going back to school full time. For now I'll see if a small class is in my near future and I'll get to work on reading my classics.
What is your favorite classic novel? Author?
Skipping,
Aubrie
Honestly, I probably like bookstores more than reading. I find that walking through a bookstore and picking out the best front covers can be very inspiring. There is a famous saying, everyone knows it, "don't judge a book by it's cover." Unfortunately I do not adhere to this guideline. In fact I have been known to not purchase books that were recommended to me because I thought the cover was ugly. I HATE when I want to buy a book that has been made into a movie and the actors' faces have replaced the original art work. I love covers and it's one of my random photography-bucket-list items, to have one of my photos as a book cover.
These are all just random side notes by the way. Let me back up.
David was out of town so I decided to watch a matinee, "Perks of Being a Wallflower." I won't give away the movie, I will recommend it- I thought it was good. The movie sparked an interest to visit a bookstore and I just happened to be in walking distance of a mini Powells bookstore- the Cedar Hills Powells. I walked to the store with the idea of buying Jack Kerouac's "On the Road." During the previews I learned that this classic book was about to hit the big screen. I really like reading books that will eventually be movies. I enjoy not only comparing the two side by side (which is better the book or the movie? ...it's always the book...) but I also get a kick out of seeing how one type of artist visually communicates words that were written by a completely different kind of artist. I think we should make all books into movies... of course I think you have to read the book first.
As I typed in Jack's name I realized I didn't know how to correctly spell it. He's a famous, classic author with well-known books, I should know how to spell his name. Thankfully I have a little thing called Google on my iPhone. (What did we do before technology?) I walked down the literature isle slowly, gazing over the book covers and mentally noting which ones would be readable and which ones will never enter my bookshelf. I came to K and found the book I was looking for. It reminded me of a New Years Eve resolution I "mentioned" a year or two ago. I can't actually remember if it was last year or the year before. I put "mentioned" in quotes because it literally was one of those resolutions I just threw out there and never actually put it down as "this is my resolution for 2012." The goal was to read five classic novels. The novels that everyone else seems to have read, or at least the pretend to have read it. On my list I definitely wanted to read Catch-22 and then anything written by Jane Austen, Ernest Hemingway and Jack Kerouac. My fifth read was still up in the air- I thought about rereading The Great Gatsby or something by Mark Twain. Obviously I didn't give it a lot of thought because this resolution never stuck.
I had "On the Road" in my hands when a craving to read other classics came over me. I thought about how much TV I watched and that it would be a smart switch to replace the tube with a book. I also thought about how nice it would be to actually know what people are talking about when they mention a Catch-22 (ya, ya, I get the idea) or to agree or disagree when someone says Hemingway was the greatest author. Pride and Prejudice is one of my all time favorite movies and I can't believe I've never read the true version from Jane Austen's hand. So I went around the bookstore and I started to pick up all of these classic novels.
I decided on three to start; "On the Road" by Kerouac, "Pride and Prejudice" by Austen and "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller. I did look at Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea" but I didn't buy it. It's a short book, that surprised me. (PS. If you look up photos of Hemingway when he was younger I think you'll find the author to be very handsome.)
The cashier asked why I purchased the special edition of Pride and Prejudice (a Norton Critical Edition). He asked if it was for school. I told him I knew there were cheaper versions (like really cheap for three bucks) but I wanted this version because it had footnotes explaining words I did not know. For instance on the very first page the word Michaelmas is used, I thought it was a person's name but the footnotes explained to me that it generally means "autumn." I paid the extra five dollars for knowledge... plus it will save me time, I won't have to bust out google on my phone. ;) The cashier explained that this edition puts the book in three volumes as opposed to one long novel. According to the lovely cashier the three volume version is how Jane Austen wrote the book.
When the cashier asked if it was for school an unexpected excitement entered my mind. School? It sounds exciting? It only took 7 years for the thought of taking classes to excite me again. I have been thinking about taking a class here and there- like a writing class or a food photography class. Don't worry my bachelors degree is more than enough for my occupation and I am completely happy with my career choice, so I will not be going back to school full time. For now I'll see if a small class is in my near future and I'll get to work on reading my classics.
What is your favorite classic novel? Author?
Skipping,
Aubrie
10.22.2012
Get Out Of My Head Jones!
"Keeping up with the Joneses." It's a phrase we all know. Unfortunately, lately, I feel like I know it to well. Only it's a mind game with me... it's all in my head.
If you were to ask me if I cared what other people thought about me, I would tell you that I don't care. I would tell you that I live my life how I believe I should (morals, values, religion, how I was raised, how I was educated, and past experiences produce how I "believe" I should live). I would tell you that I am 100% happy with my life and I try not to compare my lives to others.
In all honesty, I know that's what I should say and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others. I know that I need to appreciate what I have and even be thankful for things I don't have. (There are a lot of things to be thankful for that you DON'T have... like cancer and no family.) The problem is that I know how I should feel and I know what to say, but do I believe it?
I've been constantly comparing parts of my life to other peoples lives. I do it inside my head every day. My photography business is the biggest culprit. There are a million people who are professional photographers and there are millions of business. I could sit all day and compare photography skill, business practices, prices and even what they are shooting with. Quite frankly it drives me nuts. It's not good, not at all. Again, I KNOW that.
Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and all these social media outlets make me feel like I'm just checking in with the Joneses and comparing to see if what I'm doing that day is cooler than Mrs. Jones. Or if what I am making for dinner is healthier than what Mrs. Jones is doing... in her sparkling new kitchen, with her cute apron, her bleached white teeth, and the latest recipe from Sweet Paul magazine- in fact there is a photo of her on Instagram spreading a Demi-glaze on a succulent duck. Dang! I only made spaghetti. I loose.
I know I should be happy with my spaghetti. I used whole wheat pasta, venison Italian sausage that my husband made and store bought sauce. What's wrong with that? I know I should be happy that I have the funds to make spaghetti, I have the kitchen to cook it in and I even have a working digestive system to handle the load. I KNOW!
How do you go from simply knowing to actually believing? How do you let it all go? How do you allow yourself to seriously. not. care. and to seriously. stop. comparing. I feel like I have to live in a shack out in the middle of Montana with no TV or internet to get that feeling.
Don't even get me started on clothes. I am constantly checking out what other women are wearing. I keep thinking that I am out of style and my whole wardrobe needs to be burned. So I take mental notes of what I see... okay that girl is wearing a longer shirt with leggings, boots and a scarf around her neck. Easy enough. I try on the long shirt with leggings. Crap! It does not look the same. It looks like I have no figure and it's extremely frumpy on me. Maybe because that girl was 5 foot 9 and I'm... not! Scarfs? Ya I think they are really cute- too bad it makes me look like I'm missing a very important piece of my body, my neck.
It could be worse. I could be in complete denial and not be aware that I think this way. I could be completely obsessed and have a credit card debt filled with dollars signs from boutiques and markets and spas. I don't- Thank, God. So I don't have the actual issue of physically trying to keep up with the Joneses. It's just all in my head. I've been trying to figure out a way to empty those thoughts in the trash can and have the garbage man haul them away tomorrow. (How convenient that tomorrow is my trash day.) It's not happening though. The thoughts are simply staying around- no matter how much I tell them their dumb, go away.
So- I don't have a solution, or a game plan or a goal. I guess I simply wanted to write this out, acknowledge that I have a mental-Joneses-problem... and maybe, just maybe it will go away on it's own. Hmmm. Suggestions, anyone?
Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
If you were to ask me if I cared what other people thought about me, I would tell you that I don't care. I would tell you that I live my life how I believe I should (morals, values, religion, how I was raised, how I was educated, and past experiences produce how I "believe" I should live). I would tell you that I am 100% happy with my life and I try not to compare my lives to others.
In all honesty, I know that's what I should say and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others. I know that I need to appreciate what I have and even be thankful for things I don't have. (There are a lot of things to be thankful for that you DON'T have... like cancer and no family.) The problem is that I know how I should feel and I know what to say, but do I believe it?
I've been constantly comparing parts of my life to other peoples lives. I do it inside my head every day. My photography business is the biggest culprit. There are a million people who are professional photographers and there are millions of business. I could sit all day and compare photography skill, business practices, prices and even what they are shooting with. Quite frankly it drives me nuts. It's not good, not at all. Again, I KNOW that.
Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and all these social media outlets make me feel like I'm just checking in with the Joneses and comparing to see if what I'm doing that day is cooler than Mrs. Jones. Or if what I am making for dinner is healthier than what Mrs. Jones is doing... in her sparkling new kitchen, with her cute apron, her bleached white teeth, and the latest recipe from Sweet Paul magazine- in fact there is a photo of her on Instagram spreading a Demi-glaze on a succulent duck. Dang! I only made spaghetti. I loose.
I know I should be happy with my spaghetti. I used whole wheat pasta, venison Italian sausage that my husband made and store bought sauce. What's wrong with that? I know I should be happy that I have the funds to make spaghetti, I have the kitchen to cook it in and I even have a working digestive system to handle the load. I KNOW!
How do you go from simply knowing to actually believing? How do you let it all go? How do you allow yourself to seriously. not. care. and to seriously. stop. comparing. I feel like I have to live in a shack out in the middle of Montana with no TV or internet to get that feeling.
Don't even get me started on clothes. I am constantly checking out what other women are wearing. I keep thinking that I am out of style and my whole wardrobe needs to be burned. So I take mental notes of what I see... okay that girl is wearing a longer shirt with leggings, boots and a scarf around her neck. Easy enough. I try on the long shirt with leggings. Crap! It does not look the same. It looks like I have no figure and it's extremely frumpy on me. Maybe because that girl was 5 foot 9 and I'm... not! Scarfs? Ya I think they are really cute- too bad it makes me look like I'm missing a very important piece of my body, my neck.
It could be worse. I could be in complete denial and not be aware that I think this way. I could be completely obsessed and have a credit card debt filled with dollars signs from boutiques and markets and spas. I don't- Thank, God. So I don't have the actual issue of physically trying to keep up with the Joneses. It's just all in my head. I've been trying to figure out a way to empty those thoughts in the trash can and have the garbage man haul them away tomorrow. (How convenient that tomorrow is my trash day.) It's not happening though. The thoughts are simply staying around- no matter how much I tell them their dumb, go away.
So- I don't have a solution, or a game plan or a goal. I guess I simply wanted to write this out, acknowledge that I have a mental-Joneses-problem... and maybe, just maybe it will go away on it's own. Hmmm. Suggestions, anyone?
Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
8.29.2012
Too Much, Not Enough
There's too much of everything. There's too much of a good thing, too many bad things. There are too many ways to live your life. There are way too many decisions to make and when you do there are too many responses. There are too many opinions. There is absolutely, with out a doubt, too many choices for consumers. There is too much going on in the world, between the politics and religion and war and Olympics, and illnesses and debates and sports and crafts and projects and blogs and TV shows and concerts, there are too many magazines to read and too many friends to keep updated with. There are too many things to be good at and too many things to be the worst at. There are too many contests, too many winners and too many losers. There are too many places to visit, and too many places to avoid, there are too many rules and regulations, there is too much Government and too many agencies, there are even too many places to donate to.
I feel that I am not doing any part of my life correctly because everyone else is telling me I'm not doing whatever part of my life... enough. There are too many "enoughs." I don't shoot enough. I don't read enough. I don't know enough about my camera or my equipment. I don't edit enough. I don't read blogs enough. I don't look at other websites for inspiration enough. I don't post enough to FB, I don't take enough Instagram photos. I don't advertise enough. I don't spend enough. I don't pray enough. I don't read my Bible enough. I don't live radically enough. I don't swim enough. I don't do yoga near as much as I should....aka I don't do it enough. I don't travel enough. I don't shop enough. I don't spend my money on enough things... and I'm not even saying what things you think I should spend my money on... whatever it is whether it's God or clothes or cars or kitchen tools or lenses... I don't do it enough.
Why can't we just live simple lives? Why do we have beat ourselves up as we try to get to the top, the top of whatever it is your trying to do... because once you get there, it's never enough. Why can't I go to church on Sundays, volunteer on Fridays and pray once in a while? What's wrong with that? Why can't I photograph the way I want to, however often I want to, and post whatever I want to. I know what your thinking... you can! Of course I can. But I'm tired of feeling the guilt that it's not enough. Nothing anymore is enough. Your not a good enough of wife, your not a good enough business person, your not a good enough blogger, your not a good enough Christian, your not a good enough neighbor and your not a good enough sister or daughter. You. Are. Not. Good. Enough.
I don't want to feel like this every other month... where I just feel like I'm not doing it, I'm not getting it. I'm thirty years old and on days like this I feel like I don't even know where to begin, I don't know who I am. I'm not even weird enough to live in this city. I don't have enough tattoos (I don't have ANY!), and I don't eat at all the coolest places with the best ambience, I don't wear weird hats and t-shirts with suspenders, I don't eat enough organic food and I don't listen to enough singer-songerwriters who's music doesn't even make sense when you read the lyrics. I don't do-Portland-enough.
ENOUGH already. Can someone please turn down the heat in this pressure cooker.
I feel that I am not doing any part of my life correctly because everyone else is telling me I'm not doing whatever part of my life... enough. There are too many "enoughs." I don't shoot enough. I don't read enough. I don't know enough about my camera or my equipment. I don't edit enough. I don't read blogs enough. I don't look at other websites for inspiration enough. I don't post enough to FB, I don't take enough Instagram photos. I don't advertise enough. I don't spend enough. I don't pray enough. I don't read my Bible enough. I don't live radically enough. I don't swim enough. I don't do yoga near as much as I should....aka I don't do it enough. I don't travel enough. I don't shop enough. I don't spend my money on enough things... and I'm not even saying what things you think I should spend my money on... whatever it is whether it's God or clothes or cars or kitchen tools or lenses... I don't do it enough.
Why can't we just live simple lives? Why do we have beat ourselves up as we try to get to the top, the top of whatever it is your trying to do... because once you get there, it's never enough. Why can't I go to church on Sundays, volunteer on Fridays and pray once in a while? What's wrong with that? Why can't I photograph the way I want to, however often I want to, and post whatever I want to. I know what your thinking... you can! Of course I can. But I'm tired of feeling the guilt that it's not enough. Nothing anymore is enough. Your not a good enough of wife, your not a good enough business person, your not a good enough blogger, your not a good enough Christian, your not a good enough neighbor and your not a good enough sister or daughter. You. Are. Not. Good. Enough.
I don't want to feel like this every other month... where I just feel like I'm not doing it, I'm not getting it. I'm thirty years old and on days like this I feel like I don't even know where to begin, I don't know who I am. I'm not even weird enough to live in this city. I don't have enough tattoos (I don't have ANY!), and I don't eat at all the coolest places with the best ambience, I don't wear weird hats and t-shirts with suspenders, I don't eat enough organic food and I don't listen to enough singer-songerwriters who's music doesn't even make sense when you read the lyrics. I don't do-Portland-enough.
ENOUGH already. Can someone please turn down the heat in this pressure cooker.
8.05.2012
ALL or ONE
Is it better to have a lot of interests and to spread yourself thin or should you pick one (maybe two) things that intrigue you and run with it?
Rodeo's are fun. I like feeling like I'm part of the crowd that wears real "shit-kickers" and literally shovels... well... I don't have to say the word twice. I like to wear my own boots, listen to country music and pretend that I know how to bail hay or ride a horse.
Cooking is great. I like to feed my belly with whatever my taste buds are craving. I enjoy picking out different recipes and trying to make it look like the picture. In fact I even want my dinner display to look like a magazine layout. It never does. It's really not realistic. Magazine layouts are misleading.
I should develop a realistic magazine. I would feature photos of a family at a beach... surrounded by A LOT of other people at the beach. How often do you go to the beach, lake or river and you are completely by yourself? Like the serene gods were looking after you. I'll also say in my magazine that it's okay to have a $1 ice cream cone at McDonald's. They are a $1. And they are good. It's realistic.
I really want to write a novel. One of those romance novels that when you read it you think... I could have wrote that. Because, really, maybe you could... which is why I should try to. I'm horrible at writing. Maybe I should take a writing class first.
I love wine. I really love wine tasting.
I went kayaking and rock climbing for the first time this summer. I really enjoyed both of these outdoor activities. Should I add this to hiking, backpacking and camping? Maybe I should actually go backpacking before I tack that on to the list. Just because my husband did it does not mean I'm a backpacker. I should go kayaking again soon.
I truly wish I could travel... a lot. A lot more! I want to do home swaps and ride bikes in Europe. Seriously can I photograph a polar bear already? Have you seen the Grand Canyon? I haven't.
Yoga is fabulous for my body. I dig it. I should do it everyday. I also should swim every day since I want to swim at Nationals in May. I miss my bike.
I would like to listen to talk radio more. Read the news. Read more books. I lovvve movies and games. Maybe I should finish reading through the five magazines I have right now.
Should I even touch on Photography? ...I feel like that is another blog in of itself.
Do you do it all? Or do you do one very well?
At this time, I do it all... and I do it all in the ugliest of fashions. But, I truly enjoy myself.
Skipping,
Aubrie
Rodeo's are fun. I like feeling like I'm part of the crowd that wears real "shit-kickers" and literally shovels... well... I don't have to say the word twice. I like to wear my own boots, listen to country music and pretend that I know how to bail hay or ride a horse.
Cooking is great. I like to feed my belly with whatever my taste buds are craving. I enjoy picking out different recipes and trying to make it look like the picture. In fact I even want my dinner display to look like a magazine layout. It never does. It's really not realistic. Magazine layouts are misleading.
I should develop a realistic magazine. I would feature photos of a family at a beach... surrounded by A LOT of other people at the beach. How often do you go to the beach, lake or river and you are completely by yourself? Like the serene gods were looking after you. I'll also say in my magazine that it's okay to have a $1 ice cream cone at McDonald's. They are a $1. And they are good. It's realistic.
I really want to write a novel. One of those romance novels that when you read it you think... I could have wrote that. Because, really, maybe you could... which is why I should try to. I'm horrible at writing. Maybe I should take a writing class first.
I love wine. I really love wine tasting.
I went kayaking and rock climbing for the first time this summer. I really enjoyed both of these outdoor activities. Should I add this to hiking, backpacking and camping? Maybe I should actually go backpacking before I tack that on to the list. Just because my husband did it does not mean I'm a backpacker. I should go kayaking again soon.
I truly wish I could travel... a lot. A lot more! I want to do home swaps and ride bikes in Europe. Seriously can I photograph a polar bear already? Have you seen the Grand Canyon? I haven't.
Yoga is fabulous for my body. I dig it. I should do it everyday. I also should swim every day since I want to swim at Nationals in May. I miss my bike.
I would like to listen to talk radio more. Read the news. Read more books. I lovvve movies and games. Maybe I should finish reading through the five magazines I have right now.
Should I even touch on Photography? ...I feel like that is another blog in of itself.
Do you do it all? Or do you do one very well?
At this time, I do it all... and I do it all in the ugliest of fashions. But, I truly enjoy myself.
Skipping,
Aubrie
6.04.2012
Sweat & Tears
I hesitated to return to my computer. I left my keyboard, about 5 hours ago, covered in tears. When I walked into my office I could taste the bitter leftovers. Photoshop was still turned on and that one damn image was still sitting on my desktop... unedited.
What? Were you thinking my hesitation, tears and bitter taste in my mouth would be a little more meaningful than an argument with Photoshop? After my "breakdown" I kind of had the same thought. I was embarrassed to tell people why I was having a bad day. When one of my friends asked me what was wrong I actually did not want to tell her because if I said it out loud it would seem SO SILLY!
Of course my defeat with Photoshop lead to a degrading masterpiece. It started with "Why can't I figure out how to do this one step in Photoshop?" And ended somewhere between "You're the worst photographer, server, friend, wife, Christian, swimmer and you have no will power, no guts, no motivation... and you're fat." (Right? You all know that when you go down and out that word "fat" creeps right in and makes itself at home in your mind.)
The worst is when you start comparing. Geez! If we could just go through life and not compare ourselves to others I think we would be better off. Or would we? I guess it's one thing to dwell every day on the fact that you are not "so-and-so" (I had way too many names pop in right there) to the point where you give up. It's another thing to realize that you ain't quite there yet and you need to keep working your ass off. Hopefully you'll always have at least one person in front of you so that you keep hustling. I guess it's okay that once in a while I have a freak-out moment where I pretty much tell myself I suck. It has to be better than patting myself on the back and saying "you're the best" when in reality I have no talent or skill whatsoever.
I will say though that comparing myself to others reminds me that I'm mediocre. Man- I hate that word. I don't know why but I just don't want to be mediocre. The problem is I've been mediocre in everything. I knew how to swim butterfly and I was pretty good. I could throw one hell of a drop-curve too. But I was not great. I was a 3.0 student, not 4.0. I can take some nice photographs, but you don't see any award symbols by my name. (Don't even get me started on being a mediocre wife, friend and Christian!) I don't expect to be amazing and perfect at everything, but I would like to not be "mediocre" at at least. one. thing.
I want that one thing to be my photography career. (Unless God has another plan). In order to be great I actually have to remind myself that it does not happen naturally. I know.... you're thinking everyone has to remind themselves the same thing. I disagree. I think there are plenty of people where it actually comes naturally... you know that whole "natural talent" phrase... it does exist. It does not exist in me. So I have to remind myself to study, learn and practice. I have to go over things multiple times, not just once. I have to force myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. I have to spend hours starring at a computer screen, tears rolling down my cheek just so I can learn how to edit a little better. (With the realization that it might not even help me in the end.) And when I become complaisant or even big-headed I have to bring myself down and say "Aubrie, you are not great! ... Yet."
To come full circle... there really isn't anything embarrassing about driving yourself to tears in the name of improvement. Who cries over Photoshop? Someone, who deep inside, really wants to be great. She doesn't know of a better way to do that than with a little sweat and tears.
Hmmm... Sinking AND Skipping,
Aubrie
PS. I still have no idea how to accomplish this certain editing system in Photoshop.
What? Were you thinking my hesitation, tears and bitter taste in my mouth would be a little more meaningful than an argument with Photoshop? After my "breakdown" I kind of had the same thought. I was embarrassed to tell people why I was having a bad day. When one of my friends asked me what was wrong I actually did not want to tell her because if I said it out loud it would seem SO SILLY!
Of course my defeat with Photoshop lead to a degrading masterpiece. It started with "Why can't I figure out how to do this one step in Photoshop?" And ended somewhere between "You're the worst photographer, server, friend, wife, Christian, swimmer and you have no will power, no guts, no motivation... and you're fat." (Right? You all know that when you go down and out that word "fat" creeps right in and makes itself at home in your mind.)
The worst is when you start comparing. Geez! If we could just go through life and not compare ourselves to others I think we would be better off. Or would we? I guess it's one thing to dwell every day on the fact that you are not "so-and-so" (I had way too many names pop in right there) to the point where you give up. It's another thing to realize that you ain't quite there yet and you need to keep working your ass off. Hopefully you'll always have at least one person in front of you so that you keep hustling. I guess it's okay that once in a while I have a freak-out moment where I pretty much tell myself I suck. It has to be better than patting myself on the back and saying "you're the best" when in reality I have no talent or skill whatsoever.
I will say though that comparing myself to others reminds me that I'm mediocre. Man- I hate that word. I don't know why but I just don't want to be mediocre. The problem is I've been mediocre in everything. I knew how to swim butterfly and I was pretty good. I could throw one hell of a drop-curve too. But I was not great. I was a 3.0 student, not 4.0. I can take some nice photographs, but you don't see any award symbols by my name. (Don't even get me started on being a mediocre wife, friend and Christian!) I don't expect to be amazing and perfect at everything, but I would like to not be "mediocre" at at least. one. thing.
I want that one thing to be my photography career. (Unless God has another plan). In order to be great I actually have to remind myself that it does not happen naturally. I know.... you're thinking everyone has to remind themselves the same thing. I disagree. I think there are plenty of people where it actually comes naturally... you know that whole "natural talent" phrase... it does exist. It does not exist in me. So I have to remind myself to study, learn and practice. I have to go over things multiple times, not just once. I have to force myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. I have to spend hours starring at a computer screen, tears rolling down my cheek just so I can learn how to edit a little better. (With the realization that it might not even help me in the end.) And when I become complaisant or even big-headed I have to bring myself down and say "Aubrie, you are not great! ... Yet."
To come full circle... there really isn't anything embarrassing about driving yourself to tears in the name of improvement. Who cries over Photoshop? Someone, who deep inside, really wants to be great. She doesn't know of a better way to do that than with a little sweat and tears.
Hmmm... Sinking AND Skipping,
Aubrie
PS. I still have no idea how to accomplish this certain editing system in Photoshop.
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