"Keeping up with the Joneses." It's a phrase we all know. Unfortunately, lately, I feel like I know it to well. Only it's a mind game with me... it's all in my head.
If you were to ask me if I cared what other people thought about me, I would tell you that I don't care. I would tell you that I live my life how I believe I should (morals, values, religion, how I was raised, how I was educated, and past experiences produce how I "believe" I should live). I would tell you that I am 100% happy with my life and I try not to compare my lives to others.
In all honesty, I know that's what I should say and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others. I know that I need to appreciate what I have and even be thankful for things I don't have. (There are a lot of things to be thankful for that you DON'T have... like cancer and no family.) The problem is that I know how I should feel and I know what to say, but do I believe it?
I've been constantly comparing parts of my life to other peoples lives. I do it inside my head every day. My photography business is the biggest culprit. There are a million people who are professional photographers and there are millions of business. I could sit all day and compare photography skill, business practices, prices and even what they are shooting with. Quite frankly it drives me nuts. It's not good, not at all. Again, I KNOW that.
Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and all these social media outlets make me feel like I'm just checking in with the Joneses and comparing to see if what I'm doing that day is cooler than Mrs. Jones. Or if what I am making for dinner is healthier than what Mrs. Jones is doing... in her sparkling new kitchen, with her cute apron, her bleached white teeth, and the latest recipe from Sweet Paul magazine- in fact there is a photo of her on Instagram spreading a Demi-glaze on a succulent duck. Dang! I only made spaghetti. I loose.
I know I should be happy with my spaghetti. I used whole wheat pasta, venison Italian sausage that my husband made and store bought sauce. What's wrong with that? I know I should be happy that I have the funds to make spaghetti, I have the kitchen to cook it in and I even have a working digestive system to handle the load. I KNOW!
How do you go from simply knowing to actually believing? How do you let it all go? How do you allow yourself to seriously. not. care. and to seriously. stop. comparing. I feel like I have to live in a shack out in the middle of Montana with no TV or internet to get that feeling.
Don't even get me started on clothes. I am constantly checking out what other women are wearing. I keep thinking that I am out of style and my whole wardrobe needs to be burned. So I take mental notes of what I see... okay that girl is wearing a longer shirt with leggings, boots and a scarf around her neck. Easy enough. I try on the long shirt with leggings. Crap! It does not look the same. It looks like I have no figure and it's extremely frumpy on me. Maybe because that girl was 5 foot 9 and I'm... not! Scarfs? Ya I think they are really cute- too bad it makes me look like I'm missing a very important piece of my body, my neck.
It could be worse. I could be in complete denial and not be aware that I think this way. I could be completely obsessed and have a credit card debt filled with dollars signs from boutiques and markets and spas. I don't- Thank, God. So I don't have the actual issue of physically trying to keep up with the Joneses. It's just all in my head. I've been trying to figure out a way to empty those thoughts in the trash can and have the garbage man haul them away tomorrow. (How convenient that tomorrow is my trash day.) It's not happening though. The thoughts are simply staying around- no matter how much I tell them their dumb, go away.
So- I don't have a solution, or a game plan or a goal. I guess I simply wanted to write this out, acknowledge that I have a mental-Joneses-problem... and maybe, just maybe it will go away on it's own. Hmmm. Suggestions, anyone?
Matthew 6:19-20 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
10.22.2012
11.14.2011
Style II, This Time It's Personal
Figuring out a style and a brand for your company has a lot to do with figuring out your personal style. Who knew, right? Actually it makes perfect, common sense. How can you be successful at something that isn't truly you?
I don't know if it was fate or perfect timing or pure irony but over the last couple of months I've thought about my personal style a lot. I wasn't trying to figure out what type of shoes fit me best or what color of eye shadow suits me, but more so I was trying to figure out everything I like, everything I stand for and be completely, 100% okay with it. I wanted to not care what others thought about my style. (...Eyeshadow colors included.)
Let me give you a perfect example. I love country music. And for some odd reason I feel like the majority of Portland'ers don't. Which is probably true. During the summer months (my favorite time to blast country tunes) I would have to drive with my window down...actually I shouldn't say "I HAVE" to because unless it's 95 degrees or hotter I would choose to. I don't have AC though and even on those hot days my window would be rolled down. When I would drive either downtown or maybe out in the Alberta district or even into the parking lot of Olive Garden I would either turn down my country tunes or I would change the channel. My thought was, even though I enjoy that music, that I wouldn't fit into the Portland-style if they heard it. I actually believed that people would judge me because I liked country music.
It sounds really immature actually. And it was. Which is why I've been dwelling on silly things like that and coming to the conclusion that I really shouldn't care if I don't fit into some one's style. So what if I am not a hipster or I don't have 10 tattoos or that my husband and I love to sing to Rascal Flatts. I think focusing on my personal style and being completely okay with me will help me focus on my photography style and be completely okay with how I photograph, how I edit and how I present my photos. Maybe I should make a list of things I like, things I enjoy and tell the world (or, eh, the people who read this) that I am completely okay with my style and if you don't like it well then.... _ _! (Next blog post perhaps.)
I had a color scheme in mind that I wanted for my business. It included some sort of beige/brown/natural concept. I had the designers at 99designs use those types of colors for my logo. The other day I was thinking about my personal style as I compare it to my photography style. I looked around my house and noticed some of my favorite things lying around, I thought about my favorite comforter on our bed and then I noticed the colors in my living room and even my shower curtains. My personal color preference is actually very clear. It's clear in how I decorate, what I wear and...yes...even in my eye shadow colors.
So the above photos are all from my house. Thank God I stuck with my gut on my logo and picked a logo that represented a color scheme that fits me. I like brown. I like natural hues. I like "burnt sierra"and "cadmium burnt light" and maybe some "yellow ochre." (You can looks all those up they are colors.) I like the colors for me, I like the colors for my business and I like the colors in photographs.
Now I have to put an "absolute" argument in here to be fair. I know that not everything is absolute and I know that my style has some give in take. I mean just because I like natural tones does that mean that I can't own a pair of bright red shoes? Because I do. Just because I love country music, does it mean that I can't listen to Band of Horses or Joshua Radin or Led Zeppelin? Because I do. (In fact I just listed three of my all time favorite bands.) Does that mean that if someone wants to do a family shoot with me and their favorite color is bright purple and they dress their entire family in bright purple clothes that I won't photograph them? Of course not! Actually being absolute is not my style. I like change, I like to keep my life bouncing. I change my hairstyle constantly and I have 6 different radio stations that are WAY different from one another. However, I do still strongly believe in knowing your "majority" style and allowing that to work for you while not being afraid to embrace something different from time to time.
The other night I was brain storming with words and phrases by thinking about what I like and what I see (for the most part) in my photographs. These are the words I came up with:
Real. Light. Natural. Outdoors. Adventure. People. Straightforward. Pure.Capture. Bright. Simple.Candid.Laughter. Country. Places. Raw. Genuine.Luminous. Fun.Nature.Document.Relaxed.
With those words I came up with a few phrases that help me think about my photography style. For instance "bright, light and luminous" describe my overall look of a photo. And I think I'm finally starting to be okay with the fact that I like my photos well-lit. I like to see their faces, I like to see what is around them and my shots are usually brighter than they are darker. (With the exception of silhouettes, which I love...silhouettes just means that the background is well-lit.) I love looking at photographs that are smoky and dark and sexy. But that's not really my style and I'm not very good at pulling it off. Again, with the absolute, does that mean I won't seize a chance to document a darker, deep photo? Probably not. But if I like it bright and lit than that's what I'll do most of the time. Here are a few more phrases:
I will photograph what happens and will not falsify an image.
I will not over edit or re-touch too much so that a person/place looks fake.
I will allow my subjects to be relaxed and have fun.
I will not be stuffy or over-posed. (I don't photograph models.)
I will capture people and places with natural light or I will add light so that the photo is illuminated and bright.
I will try to find clean backgrounds and not over-complicate my image.
I will tell there story, the whole story and will not be too intrusive.
I like to take photographs in the country.
I like my subjects to bee well-lit.
I like real smiles and genuine laughter.
It's funny when I think about these statements and then I think about photographs that I have taken in the past that stand-out to me or that are my favorite.. They (for the most part) fit into a lot of those statements above. Check this- my favorite engagement shoot that I did this year was with a couple that was a lot of fun, very genuine and just relaxed. We did their shoot out in the country, I used A LOT of natural light. And when you check this shoot out, don't forget to think about my color scheme. Check it out... Engagement Shoot.
Interesting, huh? I booked a wedding this week. The client told me that it was between me and one other photographer. I won the battle. Not sure why and I probably won't find out why. We talked about their engagement shoot and I asked where they would like to do the shoot. She answered "my fiance's grandparents have a big farm out in the country, we'd like to do it there." "Perfect." I thought to myself. She made the right choice for a photographer.
Skipping,
Aubrie
I don't know if it was fate or perfect timing or pure irony but over the last couple of months I've thought about my personal style a lot. I wasn't trying to figure out what type of shoes fit me best or what color of eye shadow suits me, but more so I was trying to figure out everything I like, everything I stand for and be completely, 100% okay with it. I wanted to not care what others thought about my style. (...Eyeshadow colors included.)
Let me give you a perfect example. I love country music. And for some odd reason I feel like the majority of Portland'ers don't. Which is probably true. During the summer months (my favorite time to blast country tunes) I would have to drive with my window down...actually I shouldn't say "I HAVE" to because unless it's 95 degrees or hotter I would choose to. I don't have AC though and even on those hot days my window would be rolled down. When I would drive either downtown or maybe out in the Alberta district or even into the parking lot of Olive Garden I would either turn down my country tunes or I would change the channel. My thought was, even though I enjoy that music, that I wouldn't fit into the Portland-style if they heard it. I actually believed that people would judge me because I liked country music.
It sounds really immature actually. And it was. Which is why I've been dwelling on silly things like that and coming to the conclusion that I really shouldn't care if I don't fit into some one's style. So what if I am not a hipster or I don't have 10 tattoos or that my husband and I love to sing to Rascal Flatts. I think focusing on my personal style and being completely okay with me will help me focus on my photography style and be completely okay with how I photograph, how I edit and how I present my photos. Maybe I should make a list of things I like, things I enjoy and tell the world (or, eh, the people who read this) that I am completely okay with my style and if you don't like it well then.... _ _! (Next blog post perhaps.)
I had a color scheme in mind that I wanted for my business. It included some sort of beige/brown/natural concept. I had the designers at 99designs use those types of colors for my logo. The other day I was thinking about my personal style as I compare it to my photography style. I looked around my house and noticed some of my favorite things lying around, I thought about my favorite comforter on our bed and then I noticed the colors in my living room and even my shower curtains. My personal color preference is actually very clear. It's clear in how I decorate, what I wear and...yes...even in my eye shadow colors.
So the above photos are all from my house. Thank God I stuck with my gut on my logo and picked a logo that represented a color scheme that fits me. I like brown. I like natural hues. I like "burnt sierra"and "cadmium burnt light" and maybe some "yellow ochre." (You can looks all those up they are colors.) I like the colors for me, I like the colors for my business and I like the colors in photographs.
Now I have to put an "absolute" argument in here to be fair. I know that not everything is absolute and I know that my style has some give in take. I mean just because I like natural tones does that mean that I can't own a pair of bright red shoes? Because I do. Just because I love country music, does it mean that I can't listen to Band of Horses or Joshua Radin or Led Zeppelin? Because I do. (In fact I just listed three of my all time favorite bands.) Does that mean that if someone wants to do a family shoot with me and their favorite color is bright purple and they dress their entire family in bright purple clothes that I won't photograph them? Of course not! Actually being absolute is not my style. I like change, I like to keep my life bouncing. I change my hairstyle constantly and I have 6 different radio stations that are WAY different from one another. However, I do still strongly believe in knowing your "majority" style and allowing that to work for you while not being afraid to embrace something different from time to time.
The other night I was brain storming with words and phrases by thinking about what I like and what I see (for the most part) in my photographs. These are the words I came up with:
Real. Light. Natural. Outdoors. Adventure. People. Straightforward. Pure.Capture. Bright. Simple.Candid.Laughter. Country. Places. Raw. Genuine.Luminous. Fun.Nature.Document.Relaxed.
With those words I came up with a few phrases that help me think about my photography style. For instance "bright, light and luminous" describe my overall look of a photo. And I think I'm finally starting to be okay with the fact that I like my photos well-lit. I like to see their faces, I like to see what is around them and my shots are usually brighter than they are darker. (With the exception of silhouettes, which I love...silhouettes just means that the background is well-lit.) I love looking at photographs that are smoky and dark and sexy. But that's not really my style and I'm not very good at pulling it off. Again, with the absolute, does that mean I won't seize a chance to document a darker, deep photo? Probably not. But if I like it bright and lit than that's what I'll do most of the time. Here are a few more phrases:
I will photograph what happens and will not falsify an image.
I will not over edit or re-touch too much so that a person/place looks fake.
I will allow my subjects to be relaxed and have fun.
I will not be stuffy or over-posed. (I don't photograph models.)
I will capture people and places with natural light or I will add light so that the photo is illuminated and bright.
I will try to find clean backgrounds and not over-complicate my image.
I will tell there story, the whole story and will not be too intrusive.
I like to take photographs in the country.
I like my subjects to bee well-lit.
I like real smiles and genuine laughter.
It's funny when I think about these statements and then I think about photographs that I have taken in the past that stand-out to me or that are my favorite.. They (for the most part) fit into a lot of those statements above. Check this- my favorite engagement shoot that I did this year was with a couple that was a lot of fun, very genuine and just relaxed. We did their shoot out in the country, I used A LOT of natural light. And when you check this shoot out, don't forget to think about my color scheme. Check it out... Engagement Shoot.
Interesting, huh? I booked a wedding this week. The client told me that it was between me and one other photographer. I won the battle. Not sure why and I probably won't find out why. We talked about their engagement shoot and I asked where they would like to do the shoot. She answered "my fiance's grandparents have a big farm out in the country, we'd like to do it there." "Perfect." I thought to myself. She made the right choice for a photographer.
Skipping,
Aubrie
11.08.2011
Regrets & Randomness
So I am waiting for David Letterman's show tonight. No, I don't typically do this. However when both guests intrigue me are on one show than I guess I'll burn the midnight oil. The first guest is purely for pleasure- Robert Pattinson. Yes, I read all the Twilight books and I've seen all the movies. But I also enjoy his music and all of his other movies as well. Plus he's funny. The second guest is Annie Leibovitz one of the most famous photographers of our time. It will be very interesting to see what her and David (Ball State is his alma mater by the way) chat about.
Instead of sitting in front of the tube I thought I would waste my time else where. It seems like only once in a great while I get the chance to simply play on the Internet. You know, scan through pins, read blogs and post blogs (like this one). So that's exactly what I'm doing. That Pinterest is addicting!
*******
So this is one of those posts that are random. Just so you know.
I've had a few thoughts today. Like... who watches Jerry Springer? I mean, really? I would like to meet that person who still watches that ridiculous show and....slap them.
*******
I had an ex boyfriend that once told me something about not having regrets. I wish I could remember the exact "quote" he used, but I can't. I wonder if he regrets breaking-up with me? (ironic-humor for you.) Anyway I can't help to at least think about a few things that I regret. And I'm not talking about the type of regret that makes me sick to my stomach but I do wonder how my life would have changed if _________ fill in the blank.
______ Fill in the blank: I regret not swimming my senior year. I was voted to be captain by EVERYONE and my coach made that perfectly clear to me. Yet I decided that my swimming career was finished, probably because I started when I was six and my body was done. Instead I was motivated by my softball team winning state my junior year...I sat on the bench for that game. I was not going to sit on the bench for any game my senior year. So my dad and I spent the winter pitching in a gym. I have mixed feelings about my decision. I probably should have fought through my senior year and swam... not for me, but for my team. But I also had some bonding time with my dad that year. I don't think the decision I made affected my future. I didn't do either sport in college so I'm pretty sure that "regret" had no affect on where I am today or where I could have been tomorrow.
_____ Fill in the blank: The other regret I think about from time to time is moving to Portland, Oregon right out of college. I had an internship at the Muncie Star Press as a photojournalist. I did the internship to graduate. What I should have probably done is sought out another internship...anywhere. Most photojournalists have more than one internship and they move around a lot in the beginning of their career. I moved. Once. To Oregon. It sounds like I regret my move to Oregon and that couldn't be further from the truth. I LOVE OREGON. But I wonder if my photography career would look a lot different if I would have ventured into another internship. The thing about this regret is I'm almost positive that it would have impacted my life and I would not be where I am today. Which means I wouldn't be married to David. And that thought in itself is enough to tell me that I shouldn't regret that decision at all.
*******
I want to come up with a new product to "display" wedding photos. The journalist side of me wants to create some sort of publication that is all about the couple and their wedding day. I'm thinking like a magazine-type layout. With an actual word story and (of course) a lot of photographs. A wedding-zine. Hmm... I'll have to think it through. Don't steal my idea now. -Copyrighted! lol
Skipping,
Aubrie
Instead of sitting in front of the tube I thought I would waste my time else where. It seems like only once in a great while I get the chance to simply play on the Internet. You know, scan through pins, read blogs and post blogs (like this one). So that's exactly what I'm doing. That Pinterest is addicting!
*******
So this is one of those posts that are random. Just so you know.
I've had a few thoughts today. Like... who watches Jerry Springer? I mean, really? I would like to meet that person who still watches that ridiculous show and....slap them.
*******
I had an ex boyfriend that once told me something about not having regrets. I wish I could remember the exact "quote" he used, but I can't. I wonder if he regrets breaking-up with me? (ironic-humor for you.) Anyway I can't help to at least think about a few things that I regret. And I'm not talking about the type of regret that makes me sick to my stomach but I do wonder how my life would have changed if _________ fill in the blank.
______ Fill in the blank: I regret not swimming my senior year. I was voted to be captain by EVERYONE and my coach made that perfectly clear to me. Yet I decided that my swimming career was finished, probably because I started when I was six and my body was done. Instead I was motivated by my softball team winning state my junior year...I sat on the bench for that game. I was not going to sit on the bench for any game my senior year. So my dad and I spent the winter pitching in a gym. I have mixed feelings about my decision. I probably should have fought through my senior year and swam... not for me, but for my team. But I also had some bonding time with my dad that year. I don't think the decision I made affected my future. I didn't do either sport in college so I'm pretty sure that "regret" had no affect on where I am today or where I could have been tomorrow.
_____ Fill in the blank: The other regret I think about from time to time is moving to Portland, Oregon right out of college. I had an internship at the Muncie Star Press as a photojournalist. I did the internship to graduate. What I should have probably done is sought out another internship...anywhere. Most photojournalists have more than one internship and they move around a lot in the beginning of their career. I moved. Once. To Oregon. It sounds like I regret my move to Oregon and that couldn't be further from the truth. I LOVE OREGON. But I wonder if my photography career would look a lot different if I would have ventured into another internship. The thing about this regret is I'm almost positive that it would have impacted my life and I would not be where I am today. Which means I wouldn't be married to David. And that thought in itself is enough to tell me that I shouldn't regret that decision at all.
*******
I want to come up with a new product to "display" wedding photos. The journalist side of me wants to create some sort of publication that is all about the couple and their wedding day. I'm thinking like a magazine-type layout. With an actual word story and (of course) a lot of photographs. A wedding-zine. Hmm... I'll have to think it through. Don't steal my idea now. -Copyrighted! lol
Skipping,
Aubrie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)